Be Careful Of This Kindness Trap
Jul 19, 2020
Have you ever wondered if you’re being kind for the right reasons? As we’ve talked about throughout this challenge, there are a lot of benefits we receive by doing good for others. So how do you know if you’re being altruistic or genuine in your actions? It can be difficult to tell, but it’s definitely something that’s good to be aware of as you work to become a kinder person. Ultimately, we want the most benefits to go to others, rather than ourselves. That's the purpose of acts of kindness, after all. Read on to discover ways you can work to be kind for the sake of kindness itself, rather than for underlying ulterior motives.
A Kindness Trap
That “helper’s high” is a wonderful emotion. It can lead you to feel all warm and fuzzy when you do something nice for someone. It’s only human. Chemicals in the brain react to create these good feelings, and we naturally want to keep them going. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s okay to enjoy the feeling of doing good for others. Where it can become problematic is when the act becomes more about yourself and how it makes you feel rather than being about actually helping someone else.
What’s in it for You?
Beyond the helper’s high are a number of other sneaky ulterior motives that can lead us to perform good deeds. Sometimes we may enjoy the recognition of doing something good for someone. It’s possible that you may seek to put forth a positive image of yourself to your family or your co-workers. Some people act like martyrs when they give to people in need, expecting to be thanked profusely. Again, these things are human. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person to fall into the trap. However, it’s good to be aware of these things so that you can move forward toward acts of kindness that are more selfless.
Consider Your Reasons
Now that you understand the types of kindness traps that exist, you can be more aware and intentional when you make an effort to extend kindness to others. A simple check of yourself before you decide to take action can give you great insight into your motivation for doing a deed. Ask yourself why it is you want to help and listen to your gut to determine if your motives are mostly selfless in intent. You’ll know, and you can move on feeling good about yourself and your good deed.
Doing something kind for someone else should always be more about them than about you. As long as you keep that in mind, you’ll be fine. Enjoy spreading kindness!
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