Dealing With the Guilt of Enjoying Life Through the Grief Process
Jun 22, 2020
It can be challenging to move on with life after a loss. There are so many feelings and emotions one experiences and attempts to process through as they cope with grief. One aspect of grief often experienced but rarely discussed is dealing with the guilt of enjoying life through the grieving process.
Essentially, how does one get to a place where they can begin to enjoy life again, and what can be done when one finds themselves feeling guilty for beginning to enjoy life again?
Acknowledge the Guilt
The first step of dealing with the guilt of enjoying life through the grief process is to acknowledge that guilt. Though it is uncomfortable, and the gut reaction may be to avoid the feeling, it necessary to address the feeling so you can adequately process it and move through it. The fact is that feeling guilty about enjoying life is a completely normal part of the grieving process.
It’s not something you have to beat yourself up for. By understanding that what you feel is a common experience, you give yourself space and grace to properly grieve.
Give Yourself Permission
When the guilt of enjoying life creeps in, it is important to remind yourself that you are allowed to be happy. What causes people guilt when they begin to enjoy life again is the feeling that they shouldn’t feel joy/happiness in the absence of the one lost or feeling as though they don’t deserve to experience the joys of life now that their loved one is gone. This simply is not true. Life must continue, and you are entitled to future joy and happiness.
Redefine Happiness
When you’ve experienced a loss, you have to learn how to create a new normal for yourself. Many people try to go back to who they were or what life was prior to the loss, however that is not realistic. Loss reshapes our lives, so we have to learn to redefine what happiness looks like without that individual in our lives.
It’s not about chasing what was but creating what will now be. Rather than trying to fill a void the goal should become finding new things, people, and even places to derive happiness from.
Refocus Attention
Feelings of guilt that come from enjoying life after grief will come and go in waves during the process of mourning and grieving. It’s important that when those feelings arise, they are addressed, but then released. Continuing to hold onto and harbor those feelings will only magnify them and make them harder to deal with.
Choosing to shift focus from those feelings of guilt and finding things in the present that are significant, bring joy, or that you feel grateful for will refocus your attention on something positive. Thus, your emotions more positively align with your refocused attention.
Be Forgiving
As previously established, experiencing guilt connected to enjoying life after a loss is a normal part of the grieving process. This means you should be gracious with yourself. Rather than punishing yourself even more by being hard on yourself for having a realistic response, self-forgiveness is the approach that should be taken.
This attitude and approach will give you the necessary space and time to move through the grieving process at your own pace which better ensures you fully heal from the loss.
Life after loss does get better over time. Once you allow yourself to go through the grieving process and embrace the guilt that comes with enjoying life as a normal part of this process, you can work towards complete healing.
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