Understanding The Grief Process: Healthy Versus Unhealthy Responses

Grief is a completely natural part of being a human being. At one point or another, every person alive will experience this emotion in their lifetime. Grief is a bit different than simply feeling sad or upset, it is a much stronger experience usually brought about by a dramatic life change such as the death of a loved one or an unexpected diagnosis.

While everyone experiences grief, the way it manifests from person to person almost always varies. We are all unique individuals going through life with wildly different perspectives. However, there are certain responses to grief that are either healthy or unhealthy, regardless of who is experiencing them.

In this article, we are going to discuss a few healthy and unhealthy responses to grief so that you are more aware of how you or someone in your life is handling a difficult place in life.

Healthy Responses

• Allowing Yourself Enough Time To Heal
  

Given that grief is caused by a traumatic life experience, it is crazy to think that getting through the process should be quick. Pretending like everything is okay and back to normal, feeling as if you should have gotten over it by now is nonsense. If you are in the grieving process, be kind to yourself. Realize that there is no set timeframe for your situation. This also goes for dealing with someone in your life going through a similar ordeal.

• Distinguishing Between Alone Time & Isolation
  

It is normal to want to be alone more than usual when experiencing grief. Being alone is a healthy way to gather your thoughts and sort things out mentally. However, extended periods of isolation in which you shut yourself off to the outside world entirely is not the right decision.

As humans, we are social creatures, and this includes dealing with tough emotional situations. Giving yourself or someone, you know time alone during the grief process is healthy as long as this does not turn into complete isolation.

• Feel Safe To Vent
  

Grief is one of the strongest emotions that a person can feel. Therefore, there is often a huge buildup of emotional tension that, if kept bottled up, can be extremely detrimental moving forward. It is important to understand that venting is okay, as long as it is not harmful to you or anyone else.

If you need the ear of someone close to you to pour your heart out, let them know. If punching your pillow for half an hour gives you a bit of peace, knock it out. Emotions of this magnitude must not be suppressed.

Unhealthy Responses

• Chronic Denial

Although denial is somewhat common in the early stages of the grieving process, this becomes unhealthy in a chronic state. In an attempt to protect itself, the mind will often try to block the traumatic event, forming a sort of fantasy in which it never happened. Among other things, chronic denial inhibits the healing process. When a person never accepts whatever terrible thing has happened, a vicious cycle occurs that never allows any resolution.

• Risk-Taking Behaviour
  

It is somewhat common for a person to engage in uncharacteristically risky behaviour when dealing with grief. Whether to vent, suppress the hurt or forget what has happened, the individual may turn to external coping mechanisms such as drugs, alcohol, or life-threatening acts. Why this is an unhealthy response needs no explanation.

However, it is important that if you are experiencing this behaviour that you seek help. Likewise, if you notice this grief response in someone else, it is critical that you take action to prevent one tragedy from leading to another.

• Excessive Guilt
  

When referring to excessive guilt, we are not talking about a situation in which you are grieving something for which you are responsible for. That is an entirely different animal. Instead, many people feel a sense of unwarranted guilt for a traumatic situation.

They feel like they could have done more to prevent it or like they may have been an underlying cause of the event. This response not only hinders the healing process, it also takes an immense toll on a person’s emotional and physical health.